#339 – Why won't you let the effing go?
You don't hold on to the lines on the road, do you?
Why does feedback get stuck in my psyche like spinach between my teeth?
When earlier today I got an email from a reader sharing their thoughts about yesterday's piece, I first tried to be "zen." I got into a mental lotus position and visualized the inner smile of my radical acceptance.
As the hours went by and their words kept swirling in my head, I found myself rehearsing what I could respond.
Then I noticed: something else was in my mind.
The Ghost of Need to Prove was shaking me by the shoulders, you have to explain what you meant! Don't leave them feeling like you hadn't considered their perspective. Prove you're...
What? What exactly does the Ghost of Need to Prove want me to prove?
That I'm sensitive to people's struggles. That I'm intelligent (ugh! I say, rolling my eyes). Wise, generous, benevolent, empathetic. A "good" writer (more ughs and eye rolls).
And that's why I won't let go––and if you see yourself in these lines, why you won't either.
But there's a way to end this battle: look at the Ghost and don't engage. Don't respond to anything it says, smiling back at its distorted face.
Become transparent to its demands. With your soft front, accept that it's there. Supported by your strong back, stay grounded on who you are.
What demands of the Ghost will you smile back at to free yourself from its grip?
Love,
Carolina
Thank you, Carolina.
I love feedback except when it’s given in a poor tone, verbally or in writing. It’s the tone that gets me. Grrr.
It’s so frustrating because the message could be constructive and helpful, but the delivery can completely overshadow the intention. Talk about receiving a beautifully wrapped gift only to find that it’s empty inside. I find myself ruminating on the way it was said instead of the actual content of the feedback.
That’s when I need to remind myself: I can choose a growth mindset. I can separate the message from the manner. While I can’t control how others deliver their thoughts, I can control how I process and react to them.
Next time I encounter feedback with a tone that rubs me the wrong way, I’ll smile back at the constructive pieces and let go of the emotional weight. That way, I can turn that Grrr... into a path for development instead!
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P.S.
I loved the first sentence of your post. It’s visual and creative. May I use that question somewhere down the road? You’ll receive credit, of course. :0)